Thoughts on Singleness

I am coming to the end of my single days. God has seen fit to provide a wife for me – a beautiful one too. As I approach my wedding, I wonder how I have used my singleness ? Has God been glorified in my time as a single person? What should I have done differently if anything? What am I proud of?

I naturally see the world through my own narrow frame of reference, just like everyone else. It takes effort to come to a clear understanding of a broader culture. I became a Christian when I was 6 (or maybe 12) and grew up in church. There has hardly been any time in my life when I didn’t go to church or hang around Christians. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that my experience is often different than a lot of other peoples’ experience. Nonetheless, there are lessons I have learned as a single person which apply in every culture.

God’s standard for singleness (as in marriage) is simply not attainable. Living like Jesus means never once looking upon a woman with lust in your heart. It means never once idolizing marriage because idolatry is a sin. It means never once being jealous of someone else’s relationship because covetousness is a sin. It means always believing God has ‘the best’ for you , while simultaneously loving Him with all your heart and mind. How have you done at that today?

Chastity is actually a delight when it is founded on Christ. The problem is hardly anyone recognizes it for its true self. In the eyes of the world, it’s absolutely insane. Abstinence from sexual pleasure is crazy to most people. But to religious perfectionists, chastity is not a delight either. How could it be? If your relationship to God is based on your own moral performance than you will always have an erratic relationship with God. There may be a guy out there who believes he has never lusted, but I would be skeptical. True chastity is peace in the mind with a hope set on Christ. The mind is where the battle rages long before actions come about. It may be useful to admit to God that too often we have laid down our weapons of warfare and stopped fighting the battle of the mind.

In the creation account, we find that marriage is God’s ideal. Adam and the animals were cool, but not like Adam & Eve. However, singleness is not a curse. We all know Jesus was single for his entire life (barring any bizzare Egyptian manuscripts about Mary magdalene). If the Son of God can live a perfectly holy life without marriage, single people now can aspire to holiness as well. There were even times in the Bible in which St. Paul encouraged singleness in light of the persecution of that day. By all biblical accounts, Christians are single when they get to heaven. Christ & the church are the only ‘marriage’ there.

In my experience there is a God-honoring way to live in which you desire to no longer be single, but are still living in contentment. I think it’s wrong for single Christians to constantly be masking their desire to get married. If you want to be married and God hasn’t allowed it (that’s why- I finally admitted), that can be painful. Single Christians should be encouraging each other towards seeing God’s sovereign plans in their lives by confessing and discussing their lives.

Singleness is also a great opportunity to pursue your dreams. The added responsbility of a family brings a different lifestyle. For me, I wanted to try to do well in business to provide for a family. There is also the added enjoyment of spending more time with friends, and traveling. Why not take advantage of those while you can?

Ultimately, singleness is the mode that God has chosen to sanctify you while you remain unmarried. That means that for the believer, every trial, every moment of loneliess, even every doubt and failure falls into a divine purpose and helps to shape you into the image of Christ. What a tremendous relief it should give you to know that God cares and is sovereign over your life. There is nothing in singleness, or marriage, that can befall us which does not ultimately serve to increase our joy and love for God.

Hebrews 6:1:

“Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, and of instruction about washings, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment.”

The key to understanding the intent is by knowing the writer’s audience. He is speaking to Hebrews – Jewish people, who have not truly believed in Christ. Notice the phrase to “leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity.” What on earth ? After all, the Apostle Paul is constantly returning to the basics of Christianity in his letters, always reminding his audience of the gospel. Paul even says elsewhere he was resolved to know nothing “but Christ crucified.” Also, the 2^nd phrase, “not laying a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith towards God”.  Sounds pretty Christian right?!

Maybe, but it’s not. Each of the 6 things listed by the writer are Old Testament, Old Covenant, (whichever you prefer they are “old”). First off, the “elementary doctrines of Christ,” or better yet “Messiah”, is the Old Testament person’s conception of Christ. It’s the Jewish vision of the Messiah which God had promised. Yet the writer is pleading with his audience to abandon that vision. The word “leave” means to completely separate.  In essence, for all his audience’s church going and hanging around Christians, they had missed the current, updated Messiah and were half-heartedly clinging to the past. Tragic!

“Laying a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God” is the Old Testament version of repentance. All they had was animal sacrifice and faith that God would make things right. But that’s not good enough anymore. Now the Messiah has come. The others listed, as well – instruction about washings, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment, each had their own place in the Old Testament, but now are known to get their definition and meaning relative to the person of Jesus Christ.

Primary and Secondary Matters

In today’s world, there are many variations of Christianity and many denominations. They disagree on everything from soteriology (God’s salvation plan and process) to philosophy of ministry. For an unbeliever, as well as to some believers, this might seem a tremendous weakness that portends a fatal flaw for the whole system. After all, if the Christians cannot agree on their own Bible, who are they in turn to tell unbelievers what that same bible means for their life….? It would seem another piece of evidence that each religion is just as good as another.

It is a flaw – but I hope to show, not a fatal blow.  One illustration is team sports. Basketball teams, for example, have coaches and players at every level. At the end of the game, if the score is tied, the coach will draw up a play which contains specific routes and passes in order to give his team the best chance to win. Yet despite its best effort very often the team will lose regardless. There are many other factors which might affect the ending of any given game of basketball. However on the other hand, sometimes a team will win the game in spite of themselves. A player may misunderstand the coach’s directions and the play will break down.  Yet somehow, by a miracle shot or other circumstance the non-executing team wins regardless of their mishaps.

Non-Christians (and Christians) should allow for the possibility that Christians comprise the latter: a non-executing, flawed, less than intimidating, winning team. In the eyes of the world, we don’t have the raw talent or perfect team chemistry in order to vanquish our foes. There are church splits, doctrinal disagreements, and all kinds of messiness. So what kind of disagreement rises to the level of intolerability? In other words, what kind of church represents the assistant coach who is secretly selling notes from the team meeting? Occassionally, sadly even frequently, there are heretics. What’s the difference?

You could write a whole book on that subject... and people have. One great resource is Walter Martin’s “Kingdom of the Cults.”  You could also check out the ministry of Ravi Zacharrias and his book, “Why Jesus? Rediscovering his Truth in an age of Mass-Marketed Spirituality.”  There ARE good resources out there which cover a lot of ground. Ultimately, the Bible contains revelation for many of areas of life and of varying degrees of importance: that is, all the way from important to really, really, really, really, really important. Perhaps you could qualify them in 2 categories, primary and secondary matters.

Primary matters would be everything relating to sin, death, salvation, justification, atonement, forgiveness, heaven, hell, eternal life, and God. Those would be really big subjects. They envelop the theme of the entire bible, culminating in the work and person of Jesus Christ. The apostle Paul comments in 1 Corinthains 15:3 what the primary matters entail,

“For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures,  that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures..”

Notice the phrase of first importance. Paul is saying that the message of salvation and the gospel is the most important of everything he has told the Corinthians. While the rest of what Paul teaches them is also very important, apparently he means to say that the gospel is more important and urgent than other things.

There are other places in the Scriptures that define and shape the gospel in our minds – this helps us to understand what is primary and what might be secondary. But we ought to pay careful attention to everything relating to the aforementioned subjects that have to do with the gospel. 1 Corinthians 6 says,

"Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.  And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. “

That entails a whole list of things which the apostle relates directly to “inheriting the kingdom of God”- a synonym for the gospel and salvation. Apparently they relate to the gospel. We ought to be wise and consider if we are on the list. For myself having reviled an individual or two, been impure in both my heart and mind and actions in the area of lust, had a bit too much too drink, and wow, my goodness that is already 3. I think I’ll just stop there. Verses like these present us with a very serious situation in which we really should be careful in evaulating how God bestows his grace – and what salvation looks like according to the Bible.

On the other hand, there are secondary matters as well. Some churches believe in infant’s baptism, others are ‘baptist’. In any event, we know from the Scriptures that the thief on the cross repented of his sin, believed in Jesus, than went to heaven (Luke 23). So we have to interepret the issue of baptism in light of the thief on the cross. It becomes a secondary matter, while not unimportant. There is probably much more to be learned from just considering the thief on the cross.

In every situation, studying the Bible over and over and using a good Bible commentary such as the ESV study Bible is extremely useful in helping to discern what is the difference between primary and secondary matters.

Do you take this...

What is the purpose of marriage?

Many of the advocates of gay marriage say they are for marriage equality. All else being equal, their basic premise can be summed up in that the love and commitment between two partners of the same sex is a sufficient standard to determine the legality of a marriage. Some of these activists might define their position as 2 consenting adults. Because marriage law says it’s between a man and woman only, that is enough evidence to find the law unjustly discriminatory.

Their argument does not deal directly with the core problem. The trouble is, that as a society, over many years, we have decided that marriage is an important enough institution to be protected by law and given privileged status. The government has devoted time, resources, and a judiciary to deal with all the problems that arise in such a complicated relationship. Therefore, how important can marriage as an institution really be, if both a same-sex and heterosexual relationship qualify? If marriage means 2 things simultaneously, that is the same thing as saying it means nothing. You cannot gleefully surf the waves of non contradiction forever and never expect to hit the beach of reality. Perhaps the current geneneration of Americans in an expedient fashion would like to see 2 consenting adults as law of the land. But given time and an ever changing world, is it so impossible that at some point our even more liberal anscestors would see the ‘union’ of 3, 4, or even 5 people as a legitimate marriage? Anyone to object will be laughed at and mocked like a caveman from the 2 person rule stone-age. The mormons may have lost that argument once upon a time. But what if Mitt Romney…?

All of this leaves us in desperate need of an objective standard. The real question is, what about a man-woman relationship uniquely qualifies it among all other kinds of relationships? And why do we need the alleged institution of marriage, anyway?

It’s really more of a human being issue, than about male-female relations or sexuality. A man and woman create a one-flesh (spiritual) union that has potential for fruitfulness (children). For thousands of years, Western civilization has respected that spiritual ethic. Marriage is one element of our humanity that separates us from animals. We have many similar features to the animal kingdom, but marriage is different. Has civilization been wrong to elevate this relationship? That really is an issue of authority. God says in the Bible (see Genesis 2) that marriage is a special relationship - and His word is the ultimate authority on the matter. If there is no common ground there, than far larger things are at stake.

"The Love of God" by Frederick M. Lehman

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

Refrain:
Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

When hoary time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Unconquerable Optimism

Ivan Maisel writes on Espn.com, about A&M leaving the Big 12 for the SEC,

“Through the lean times and the occasional flush ones, the Aggies always had their pride. Them being so full of themselves may have made Aggie jokes resonate to the rest of us. But Aggie pride also fueled an unconquerable optimism that bordered on braggadocio. Aggie players played better, ran faster and tackled harder, whether they did or not. Their fans believed, no matter what the scoreboard said. As the saying goes, Aggies don't lose, they just run out of time.”

  

Leaving aside football, I have had several conversations lately about Aggies being extremely prideful. In one discussion, the person said almost every Aggie they had ever met was a very prideful person. Also, a friend of mine recently pointed out that immediately following the fall semester of my freshman year I had become “indoctrinated” and “had changed.” He said it somewhat light-heartedly. You may have heard something similar said about A&M and/or Fish Camp, and likewise, that Aggies are a part of some sort of cult.

I find this topic worthy of examination if only it helps me love my brother and sisters in Christ better. My attitude about college rivalries in general has remained the same for some time. There is much to gain from Galatians 3:28, which states, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” I wish I could add Aggie, Longhorn, and Red Raider to this verse because the same idea applies. Friendly competition, to be sure, is desirable. Yet the bible is clear that believers should aspire to being absolutely unified. Clearly, there is no place for rivalry. (“Do nothing from rivalry or empty conceit, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves.” Phil 2:3). If rivalry means “I hate them,” or “they suck,” or “they can go to hell” because someone else wears another jersey than there is something wrong.

All that being said - if there is something about A&M that tempts an 18 year old kid to become more prideful than he would have otherwise at a different school, than I don’t want my future son or daughter to go there. This is where it gets tricky. Lots of colleges have traditions, military and non-military alike. Ohio State “dots the I,” and people are happy when that happens. University of Arkansas has a “senior walk” with every graduate’s name engraved in a long and winding sidewalk across campus. Traditions vary from place to place. Many people have indicated that because the A&M war hymn references our so-called rival in Austin in nearly every refrain, that of itself is a revealing insight into our conceit.

Yet another conversation I had involved the Aggie honor code, which reads simply, "An aggie will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do." In said conversation the other parties were convinced that this code is fertile soil for pride and a “holier than thou” attitude. Truth be told, I don’t really know the genesis of the Aggie honor code or how it came about. As a comparison, the UT Longhorn honor code states, “The core values of The University of Texas at Austin are learning, discovery, freedom, leadership, individual opportunity and responsibility. Each member of the university is expected to uphold these values through integrity, honesty, trust, fairness and respect toward peers and community.”  

As it happens the Aggie honor code is nearly identical to the West Point code – "A cadet will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do." From a military standpoint, I can see the value in having it the way it is. I don’t see the code as saying that we should not tolerate you, as a person, because of your moral failure. Instead, what the code means is that because of a particular moral failure, such as lying, it becomes intolerable to have such an individual around within a military setting. In other words, often times in warfare the stakes are too high in order to run the risk of having liars and thieves in your midst. Whether or not this still applies to A&M considering the dwindling size of the corp of cadets I don’t know, but I think the code itself is understandable.

Of more interest to me, looking back at those years particularly as a freshman and sophomore, I do occasionally see a more selfish, prideful version of myself. The most passionate part of my heart and mind often wanted A&M to win on Saturday more than worshipping God with my fellow believers on Sunday. Often I served the idol of comfort and self. There were periods, maybe even weeks or months, when my own life and dreams seemed proportionately much bigger and more important than God’s plans.

But there were also times of joy, gratitude, and heartfelt love towards my fellow believing Aggies. Sitting in Reed Arena at Breakaway on Tuesday nights, there were times for tearful repentance and spiritual renewal listening to Ben Stuart. There were little God-caused frustrations and obstacles that forced me to seek Him out and depend on Him. There is so much to be thankful for, not the least of which is an education paid for mostly by my grandparents.

Of course I am aware my personal experience does not provide overwhelming evidence for or against Aggies as being proud of heart. I don’t disagree with ESPN’s Maisel on the “unconquerable optimism.” Maybe sometimes it is silly. There certainly is a culture of pride at A&M, in the sense that “we never lose” (but only run out of time). I think that tradition has its roots in an earlier era, back when people had a sense of humor.

That sort of joking may come in handy when you are likely to be shipped off with your buddies to Omaha beach or Iwo Jima. I hope I never find out.

exceptional..or typical?

Murica                                                                                                                                    


   Exceptionalism is a buzzword that goes round and round in the media. Are we an exceptional nation? After all, God has allowed us so much influence, power, and wealth. Beware of idolatry and cynicism both.  I really liked Doug Wilson’s balanced approach on this. Enjoy:

http://www.dougwils.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=7431:splashed-around-in-the-village-pond-for-a-bit&catid=106:americanitas