I am coming to the end of my single days. God has seen
fit to provide a wife for me – a beautiful one too. As I approach my wedding, I
wonder how I have used my singleness ? Has God been glorified in my time as a
single person? What should I have done differently if anything? What am I proud
of?
I naturally see the world through my own narrow frame of
reference, just like everyone else. It takes effort to come to a clear
understanding of a broader culture. I became a Christian when I was 6 (or maybe
12) and grew up in church. There has hardly been any time in my life when I
didn’t go to church or hang around Christians. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise
that my experience is often different than a lot of other peoples’ experience. Nonetheless,
there are lessons I have learned as a single person which apply in every
culture.
God’s standard for singleness (as in marriage) is simply not
attainable. Living like Jesus means never once looking upon a woman with lust
in your heart. It means never once idolizing marriage because idolatry is a
sin. It means never once being jealous of someone else’s relationship because
covetousness is a sin. It means always believing God has ‘the best’ for you ,
while simultaneously loving Him with all your heart and mind. How have you done
at that today?
Chastity is actually a delight when it is founded on Christ.
The problem is hardly anyone recognizes it for its true self. In the eyes of
the world, it’s absolutely insane. Abstinence from sexual pleasure is crazy to
most people. But to religious perfectionists, chastity is not a delight either.
How could it be? If your relationship to God is based on your own moral performance
than you will always have an erratic relationship with God. There may be a guy
out there who believes he has never lusted, but I would be skeptical. True
chastity is peace in the mind with a hope set on Christ. The mind is where the
battle rages long before actions come about. It may be useful to admit to God
that too often we have laid down our weapons of warfare and stopped fighting
the battle of the mind.
In the creation account, we find that marriage is God’s
ideal. Adam and the animals were cool, but not like Adam & Eve. However,
singleness is not a curse. We all know Jesus was single for his entire life (barring
any bizzare Egyptian manuscripts about Mary magdalene). If the Son of God can
live a perfectly holy life without marriage, single people now can aspire to holiness
as well. There were even times in the Bible in which St. Paul encouraged singleness
in light of the persecution of that day. By all biblical accounts, Christians
are single when they get to heaven. Christ & the church are the only ‘marriage’
there.
In my experience there is a God-honoring way to live in
which you desire to no longer be single, but are still living in contentment. I
think it’s wrong for single Christians to constantly be masking their desire to
get married. If you want to be married and God hasn’t allowed it (that’s why- I
finally admitted), that can be painful. Single Christians should be encouraging
each other towards seeing God’s sovereign plans in their lives by confessing
and discussing their lives.
Singleness is also a great opportunity to pursue your
dreams. The added responsbility of a family brings a different lifestyle. For
me, I wanted to try to do well in business to provide for a family. There is
also the added enjoyment of spending more time with friends, and traveling. Why
not take advantage of those while you can?
Ultimately, singleness is the mode that God has chosen to
sanctify you while you remain unmarried. That means that for the believer,
every trial, every moment of loneliess, even every doubt and failure falls into
a divine purpose and helps to shape you into the image of Christ. What a
tremendous relief it should give you to know that God cares and is sovereign
over your life. There is nothing in singleness, or marriage, that can befall us
which does not ultimately serve to increase our joy and love for God.
